Of felonious felines and a monkey-stuffed girdle.
• In June, the South Dakota Supreme Court ruled that a police officer acted properly when he seized 15 pet cats from a motorist because the animals were obstructing her windshields.
The justices voted 3-2 in favor of the officer, who testified that the motorist nearly backed her vehicle into his cruiser in a parking lot.
So two judges voted in opposition to the seizure based on what — the impairment being cute and furry?
• A man was arrested by authorities in Mexico City on July 18 after he tried to smuggle 18 endangered Titi monkeys into the country by concealing them in his girdle.
Who wears a man-girdle?
• When Florida store clerk Nayara Goncalves was confronted by a robber, she didn’t hand over the cash. Instead, the 20-year-old devout Christian gave him a five-minute sermon.
Goncalves eventually convinced the robber to give up his plan, and he left. But he shouldn’t be hard to find. Goncalves told police that in the course of talking to the robber, they discovered they were members of the same church.
• Elvis D. Presley is running for governor of Arkansas.
Presley, who also just happens to be an Elvis A. Presley impersonator in his spare time, wants to debate the other gubernatorial candidates on television. That alone ought to be worth the price of admission.
What is it with Arkansans and the King? Native son and former President Bill Clinton’s Secret Service code name was “Elvis.”
• Call it school daze. Last month, Margo Sagro of Cincinnati pleaded with a judge not to send her husband, Salvatore, to prison after he was convicted of child molestation.
Salvatore Sagro admitted drugging his wife so he could sneak out and have sex with a 15-year-old student who attends the middle school where his wife teaches.
A desperate Mrs. Sagro described her husband as “a small white man who might not be able to defend himself against other prisoners.” She needn’t worry. Child molesters reportedly are very popular in the big house.
• Maybe there’s something in the Skyline Chili. Last week, Cincinnati police pulled over a motorist for erratic driving, only to discover she was distracted by a — ahem — “toy.”
The driver also admitted she was watching a video being played on her passenger’s computer.
Police also found — wait for it — a crack pipe.
Suddenly, cats on the dashboard seem positively reasonable.
Contact Charita Goshay at firstname.lastname@example.org.